Although I have read these letters before – if I am being honest, it was more out of a sense of obligation then anything else. The obligation that comes from being a close and supportive friend. I actually thought most of these letters were kind of irritating. Irritating in a passive-aggressive, self-fulfilling, ritualistic kind of way. (No offense)
Who really needs writing to justify their lot in life? Inspiration is all around us, why should I need to find it on some Internet webpage? Who the fuck cares about some stranger’s lost love story or daily struggle with anonymity? I certainly don’t.
But then (like life often does) a curveball is thrown. And now I sit at my computer and turn to you all for inspiration. An inspiration that is overshadowed by the face of my own mortality. And suddenly I do care (selfish, I know). So let me start my letter over again and address it correctly:
You truly are a great friend and person. Your loyalty knows no boundaries (literally NO boundaries, you need to work on this after chemo). Your laughter infects us all and has a way of making the really messed up things in life feel small and meaningless. In typical “Nikhil fashion” you are embracing your diagnosis with realistic expectations and a sense of humour. It is the only way you know how. Yet, inside you hurt.
Above this façade that you create – you hurt. And that’s okay.
Because inside, we all hurt for you. Inside we all hope for the greatest of outcomes. But as we have learned in the past, life allows us no control – and sometimes (lets be honest) hope is meaningless. What I know, is that your experiences will make you better.
A better son.
A better brother.
A better friend.
A better doctor for your patients.
And, a better writer.
Embrace the journey, knowing that I (and others) am with you each step of the way.
PS: If you don’t put this letter in its entirety on your website, it is the last time I write you anything meaningful. Plus, it is way better then at least half of the shit that is on there now.
PPS: I want the above PS included in my letter to you/the world.